Confusion

Aspergers Syndrome is an invisible handicap

Yet it has an unavoidable influence on the whole family

This column exhibits some of the implications

My Aspie…

- and -

- implies

accepts his diagnosis without reservations

yet it is difficult for him to really appreciate the ramifications and proportions of his handicap

which may give the impression that he is using his condition as an excuse for bad behaviour

is extremely quick to perceive and analyze

yet I often hear from him, that he has no recollection of what I am referring to

For instance concerning "mutual" agreements

perceives words and concepts in an extremely literal way

yet he often applies irony - expecting everybody to be able to discern his irony

but I for one cannot know the difference

is a walking encyclopedia and dictionary able to figure out the meaning of almost any foreign word

yet he has his completely private definitions of many concepts

which often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts

does not react to hints and will only react on direct questions

yet if the questions can be perceived as criticism of him, he will routinely initiate an emotional meltdown

because he perceives them as intimidating and shaming 

has an impressive memory for logical data

yet he may be completely blank concerning things which took place few minutes ago

which leaves me with an impression and feeling that he is completely disinterested in what i say, do and our family life

is very sweet in giving me compliments

yet they are often presented  in a very backward way and awkward shape  which is hurtful to me, ”otherwise things get too dreary" he says

has a very strong need for my acceptance

yet he could not care less what other people think

is eminent in analysis and synthesis

yet he often exhibits a lack of empathy and acceptable conduct

which time and time again causes his closest family and relations to be hurt or offended

communicates in general terms when I am specific

and visa versa

which severely impede and complicate communication

is a specialist in quite a number of areas

yet he has been uninterested or unable to finish any formal education

is very well functioning considering the fact that he is an Aspie

yet he has e series of lost jobs and relations and is presently out of a paid job (but busy with studies)

(He has applied for many jobs, without even getting to a job interview)

seems to rest very much in himself

yet I am often perceived as more negative and critical towards him, than I really am - which seems very unfair to me

is emotionally "cross-wired"

so that he breaks out in loud uncontrollable laughter when he is really sad concerning himself or others

which is socially unacceptable and very hard to handle in a

needs to retract to his own internal world (I have often felt that he withdrew to his private bell jar)

yet he lacks awareness and acceptance of other peoples borders

which can be perceived as very invading and offensive

has an invisible "bell jar" so relatives get a false impression that he  is really present

yet he is lost to the world around him

which has often caused misunderstandings

he has a strong need to do certain things in a special order and succession, which may be illogical seen from the outside

yet he has difficulties in realizing the necessity of a certain planning for tomorrow to say nothing of a more distant future

causing conflicts when I attempt to get his agreement to certain necessary plannings

is extremely logical and rational

but not in reaction to my statements, which are often perceived with his emotions rather than his logic

which may often lead to a discussion rather than a dialogue

has very strong opinions concerning many things and situations

yet in other cases it can be very difficult to get a clear answer

is extremely curious and inquisitive

yet he does not listen to for instance a tradesman to hear his suggestion to solving a problem- in stead he speaks out his own solution

thinks extremely quickly and has a lot of metaphors

yet he lacks the Theory of Mind concerning others

which can make him seem callous

is genuinely sad when he finds out that he has hurt me

yet it is difficult for him to change his conduct, because he seems unable to figure out what hurts me

is my husband

yet he some times acts in a completely childish way

interrupts me with seemingly unimportant remarks, so that I lose the thread

yet he is unable to understand my feelings and considers my silence as an attempt to punish him

he feels treated very unfairly because he had no intention to interrupt or hurt me.